The Fantastic Voyage

This is my last pre-trip blog post. In case this becomes my last blog post ever, I would like to thank all those who read and commented. You've been great. Hopefully, with a little luck, I'll be able to post next week.


Now that I got that touchy-feely crap out of the way, I'd like to leave you an interesting hypothesis that I recently saw. The trend of declining crime in this country can be attributed to the nationwide legalization of abortion. Statistically, the largest segment of aborted fetuses come from poor single mothers. This just happens to be the background of a large porportion of criminals in our society. Cities in which arbortions were legal before Roe v. Wade, saw an earlier drop in their crime rate than the nation as a whole.

Discuss.

My Death Wish

Cousin Luke and myself are journeying to the Lone Star State this week. At the last minute, we decided that a trip to Mexico would be great addition to our itinerary. Since Laredo is only about a two hour drive from San Antonio, it seemed to be the logical place to cross the border. As we booked our room in Laredo, we imagined what kind of fun we could have in Mexico on a Friday night.

The day after we made our reservations, I discovered that Nuevo Laredo may be the most dangerous border city in Mexico and over 30 Americans have been kidnapped or killed there in the last year. Now, I'm not sure that a night in Old Mexico sounds too appealing. We could do something safer like jumping out of an airplane with a jar of nitro glycerin strapped to our backs.

I Loved Lucy

I'm a little bummed out tonight. I learned that my next-door neighbor's Collie died earlier this week. Her name was Lucy and she was an exceptionally sweet dog. Even though she was a bit senile, she was always very friendly to everyone that she met. She had lost most of her hearing, and I was always worried that she would get hit by a car. Luckily, she died very peacefully of natural causes. I'll miss her.

An Officer and a Gentleman?

I would like to give a shout out to a member of the armed forces stationed in Iraq who has recently become a reader of this blog. Given security concerns, I'm not able to divulge his name. However, I can say that he may have been a member of the Lauderdale County Chapter of the He-Man Woman-Haters Club. Unfortunately, all the club records were destroyed in the Great Keg Incident of '03, so it is impossible to be sure.

Anyway...good luck and come back home soon.

I need a camera phone

Oh, wait...I have one. Nevermind.

Politically Incorrect Cinema

I watched the new Dukes of Hazzard trailer with Cousin Luke last weekend and was impressed with the fact that the Confederate Naval Jack was still perched on top of the General Lee. A certain patriarch in my family has assured me the roof of the General Lee will be substantially minimized in the movie as compared with the TV Series. He may be right, but I still retain my unfounded optimism.

Regardless, any movie with Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson has to rock. Jessica Simpson in tight shorts doesn't hurt either.

Ron Popeil's Bitch?

It appears that my chance to officiate over my second wedding is no more. The happy couple is no longer very happy and has called off the wedding. This is probably for the best as I would have been shocked if the marriage had lasted longer than Britney Spears' movie career.

With no alternative opportunities at this point, I'm left with the reality of being a mid-level bureaucrat. That's not very appealing and I'm considering other alternatives. I've been told that simultaneously reading 3 books will work wonders for ones life, but I am hesitant to believe such a claim. So, if you hear about me peddling pocket fishermen from the back of a 1973 El Camino in Butte, Montana, don't be too surprised.

Schadenfreude

Disaster was averted today when the University of Mississippi finally had their yearly post-season collapse in baseball. Never mind that they were playing a lower seed at home and had won the first game of the best of three series. They did not let me down as they masterfully choked in their last 2 games of the season. The final out of the season was committed by their best player (and Hellcrest product) Stephen Head swinging futilely at a bad pitch. It was beautiful.

Other than that, my life is epitome of boredom. I may just have to quit working at DHS to shake thing up a bit.

Stay tuned...

All Is Right With the World

Everyone can rest easy. I have regained my taste for barley pop.

Sassy Mac, I really appreciate your show of support. It helped me through a very difficult time. I hope to be able to return the favor one day.

This Sucks!!!!!

I thought a 104 temp was bad, but it pales in comparison to the latest symptom of my recent flu bug.

After work, I went by the Mahogany and ordered an Abita. It tasted very unpleasant. I asked the bartender if there had been any complaints about it. He said no, but he offered me another one of my choosing. I decided upon a Miller Lite. It did not taste right either and had a horrible aftertaste. It then realized that for whatever reason, I had lost my taste for beer and all liquids. The water even tasted weird.

Hopefully, this will be a short-lived problem as I cannot continue to work for DHS without the pleasure of adult beverages.

Ich Liebe Deutschland!

Da ich ein englischsprechendes Publikum Schwindens habe. Ich hoffe, daß die Eintragung auf Deutsch hilft, meine Leserschaft und Anmerkungen zu erhöhen. Lassen Sie uns sie für den neuen Papst hören! Er ordnet!!! an!

I Fought the Flu and the Flu Won

The shock of MSU winning the SEC Baseball Tournament caused a great reduction in my level of white blood cell count leaving me primed for illness. Apparently, the illness that resulted was the flu. I tried to work yesterday, but left early afternoon and went home. It appeared that my homeopathic treatment of doing absolutely nothing was becoming a failure. As my temp passed 103, I decided that I would have to do the unthinkable- go to the doctor. He confirmed what I had assumed- I had the flu.

Now I'm stuck home until Friday and am getting very bored. I've already watched the first 16 episodes of Scrubs and have only 8 left. If anyone has an extra girlfriend that they are not using, I'd be very appreciative if you'd send her my way. Someone to bring me food, rub my feet, and keep me company. That would be swell.

I'll be waiting for your responses.