Feral Picnic Tables

I return from the reunion as a victim of an largely-ignored danger: picnic tables. Friday night, I was minding my own business and taking a leisurely jog through the woods, when I was attacked by a savage picnic table. I was able to escape, but the damage had been done. My shin was badly bruised. In the next hour, it swelled a surprising amount. Luckily, I had the foresight to anesthetize myself earlier and was feeling very little pain.

The next morning, it looked simply wretched and I was reduced to hobbling around. It was quickly dubbed my "third knee" and I become some sort of family icon. I received a house call from a cousin who is a cardiologist and he checked my circulation in the leg and determined that it was just a bad bruise and not a fracture.

As of this post, the swelling has gone down and it's doing much better. I can almost walk without a limp. Just one word of warning. Even though a picnic table is located at a resort or park, it does not mean that it is domesticated. If you're making plans that involve proximity to picnic tables, be very careful and never turn your back. The shin you save may be your own!

Reunion

This will be my last post for several days as I ready to depart for a family gathering in scenic Upper Alabama. This is always a unique event that is one part reunion and two parts frat party.

I will be bringing enough beer to ensure that no one in my family as to interact with anyone else sober. This can be a real key to family unity.

If I survive, I will be back to post next week.

Generic Blog Post

I don't like Mondays. They suck.
I don't like summer. It's too hot.
I don't like work. It's too stressful.
Gas is too expensive.
It is too humid in Mississippi.
Brussell sprouts taste horrible.
Game show hosts are too smarmy.

I don't like creativity...it scares me.

Episode IV: A New Hope

Reports of my eternal unhappiness may be a little premature. I have been doing my best trying to change the reality of my previously hopeless state of affairs. Normally, I wouldn't put so much effort into anything, but I figured, "why not?" With continued persistence, things may work out.

Wish me luck... I'll need it.

Let No Man Tear Asunder...

I was reminded today that this is the second anniversary of the most disturbing of unions. The pairing of a vile woman with a mole. (ed. note: This is not to say that the vile woman had a mole, but that the vile woman was actually paired with a mole-like creature) The only thing more disturbing is that fact that I was one who placed those two in the bonds of Holy matrimony.

It was a lovely ceremony which was conducted in the heat and humidity that only a summer Mississippi afternoon could offer. It was full of love, hope, and a trip to the emergency room. A good time was truly had by all.

So to Vile Woman and Mole, I say "Congrats on two years of wedded bliss! I never doubted for one moment that it would last this long."

On a completely unrelated topic, I owe Cousin Luke ten bucks.

Shifting Demographics

Today is a sad day for my blog. I have just lost readership in a key demographic group. Until now, roughly 20% of my readership has been in the coveted 20-29 year group. (the one most desired by blog advertisers) Sadly, It appears that I no longer have any posters from this important age group.

In light of this discovery, I will attempt to make my blog more accessible to the Gen Y crowd. I'm not sure how, but if any of you old bastards have an idea, let me know.

BTW, Happy Birthday to Vin Diesel. You rock, brotha!

It's The End Of The World As I Know It, And I Feel Like S**t.

Things have gone rather badly for me this evening. My hand was forced early and it would appear that I won't have any need to leave MS in the near future.

On the positive side, I watched Magnolia tonight, I haven't been arrested, and I haven't put a bullet in my brain. So things could worse... at least I hope so. Otherwise, I have nothing positive to say.

Steve Holt!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Harrison!!

As most of you already know, today is Harrison Ford's 63rd birthday. My family always gathers on this special day and celebrates.

Unfortunately, I will be unable to spend this evening with my parents, so we had to commemorate the anniversary of Harrison's birth a day early. Even though it wasn't on the actual day, gifts were exchanged, hamburgers were grilled and adult beverages were consumed.
A great time was had by all.

I cannot wait until next year!

Dennis!!!!! You Little ^%$%#

As I type this, I find myself in the dark. Due to wind from Dennis, I have been without power for 3 hours. Luckily, I have a laptop. However, I am without any type of air conditioning, and it is getting rather unpleasant at Casa de Hica.

With a little luck, I may have power on before the morning. Otherwise, tomorrow won't be any fun... I knew I should have gone to Montana!!!

No Help For Bo

It appears that the reactionaries will be no help. They've been spending most of their time talking about sex in the Kitchen and eating McDonalds(!) food. WTF

I may check myself into East Mississippi.

Waiting For Dennis

It would appear that Hurricane Dennis is headed my way. Most compute models are indicating that there is a 60% chance that Meridian will experience tropical storm winds. After all the problems that Ivan caused last year I'm not looking forward to a repeat. Especially, since my pecan trees have been acting somewhat brittle as of late. Nor am I looking forward to the inevitable Dennis "The Menace" quips that I'll be hearing for the next several days.

Maybe I should go to Montana...I hear it is nice this time of year.

Love or Insanity... What's the Difference?

I have come to recently realize that I might be in love. However, it is equally as plausible that I have developed a mild form of insanity. It's hard to tell as the symptoms are very similar. I have invited a couple of reactionaries over to my humble abode this weekend and am hopeful that they will be able to put this into a proper context.

Still, I'm left to wonder, what would Andrew Largeman do?

More news as events warrant.

Jack, Bob, and Sam

Has anyone else noticed the new radio trend of stations giving themselves a one-syllable guy's name and playing a very eclectic music catalogue?

I first noticed Jack FM in Jackson. The, while in Texas, I found myself listening to Bob FM out of Austin. When I returned to Meridian, I discovered that the rock station had changed from 93.5 "The Buzz" to Sam FM. All these new stations have very similar formats in that they play a wide range of music from the last 30- 35 years with an emphasis on the 80's and 90's. They have also forgone local DJs and have opted for canned intros that were created by sterile corporate thinking.

I find this trend a bit disturbing as it seems to be killing all interesting aspects of locally-produced radio. I miss the old days when radio stations were named after animals. Bring back "The Monkey"!

Everything I Learned...

My life has returned to whatever passes as "normal" as I returned for my western sojourn on Independence Day. It was an exciting week in the Lone Star State full of adventure. As I was constantly told as a kid, it is important to learn something every day. To that end, I would like to share what I learned:

1. Sunblock is very important.
2. Nothing is better to drink on a hot day on the river than "Naked in the Woods."
3. The ideals of Stepford may exist in a magical realm known simply as "The Woodlands."
4. With the right marketing and planning, a ditch can be turned into a major tourist attraction.
5. It's harder than one might think to find real desert in Texas.
6. Coyote Ugly is overrated.
7. Piano bars in San Antonio are very expensive.
8. The Hampton Inns and Suites in downtown Austin kicks ass.
9. Waitresses in Corpus Cristi have a very unique way of consuming strawberries.
10. The architect of the Federal Courthouse in San Antonio should be beaten to death with a T-square.
11. There are too many Whataburgers in Texas.
12. It can be very hard to find a good beer selection in Austin on a Sunday afternoon.
13. The bats in Austin are not very reliable.
14. Pregnant women buy beer in Burnet, Texas.
15. Something resembling a small version of Ayers Rock exists north of Freer, Texas.
16. The Tower of the Americas in San Antonio has been temporarily closed to become a Landry's Restaurant.
17. The University of Texas' history department does not place much emphasis on chronology.
18. Sunshine Wheat beer on tap is extraordinarily good.
19. The Pottery Barn is very similar to Restoration Hardware.
20. There is no motorcycle helmet law in Texas. (from a purely Darwinistic standpoint, this could be a good thing.)