Two to Three Pounds of Miscellaneous Spider Parts

That is not the nicest image that one could conjure up. However, what makes it truly disgusting is that this is what the average person eats every year. Over a lifetime, that is about two hundred pounds of spider parts. Yuck! If you don't believe me do the link: altenate source of protein

Insensitive Clothiers

As I was driving down Hwy 39 today, I passed Harry Mayer's and noticed a larger banner in front of the store. In all caps it bellowed, "HUGE SUIT SALE." That struck me as very inappropriate. Wouldn't it have been better to call it a "Big and Tall Suit Sale." I'm sure that men of abnormally-large girth enjoy a good suit sale, but it seems kind of mean to refer to them as "huge."

Of course, it's very possible that I have no understanding of the complexities of marketing plus-size suits, and derision is the best method. Who knows...

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Sassy has invalidated any lame arguments that VW has advanced. I placed a call to her and SHE ACTUALLY RETURNED MY CALL. There was no phantom "cell phone trouble" nor was there any reason to wonder why my call was not returned. Not only did she converse with me, but she also helped me create a plan for the next year. (This is something that VW would only do under threat of mass homicide.)

So to Sassy, I say "Thank You." And to VW, I say, "Get a better apologist!"

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Self Esteem

I've always heard about the power of non-verbal communication. Supposedly, most of what is communicated between people is done so through non-verbal interaction. I always thought the impact of such communication was substantially limited in the context of telephone conversations. I'm beginning to think that this is wrong.

For proof I point to the fact that, invariably, when a woman (in a non-work situation) promises to call me back, she cannot bring her to do so. This applies to all types of females: persons I have a romantic interest in, persons who claim to be "good friends", family members, and other acquaintances. Therefore, I must be, through non-verbal means, telling these people "If you return my call, I will hunt you down and kill, not only you, but your children with a rusty chainsaw in the most agonizing way possible."

In light of this development which of the following scenarios is more likely?


Scenario #1

Michael Moore and George W. Bush get married in a private ceremony at Martha's Vineyard.

Scenario #2

A female (in a non-work situation) actually returns my phone call.



By the way, this is my 69th post. I would make a witty comment, but I can't come up with any amusing anecdotes. Maybe Luke can. With all the time he's been spending in Byram lately, he probably has some suggestions.

This Is The End.

Which of the following is more likely to indicate the apocalypse?


Scenario #1

The recent deluge of natural disasters. i.e. Hurricanes Katrina & Tina along with the Pakistan Earthquake.

Scenario #2

Walker, Texas Ranger is being resurrected in the form of T.V. movies.

Too Much of a Good Thing

Am sure many of you have noticed that Sassy and Luke stopped making blog posts approximately one month ago. This just happens to coincide with the fact that they are now living within 20 miles of each other. hmmmmm.... So, given this information, what scenario is more likely.

Scenario #1
They both lost interest in blogging at about the same time.

Scenario #2
Their geographic proximity unlocked latent passions (ewwww!) which can only be quenched by repeated tawdry dalliances (double ewwwww!) in a flea-bag Byram motel. These encounters leave them with no time to blog anymore.

****Bonus Question****
If scenario #2 is correct, should someone tell TJF & NC?

The More Likely Game Revisited

It's now time for the next installment of the More Likely Game.

I was going to my basement this afternoon and discovered that my backyard was on fire. Luckily it was just an underbrush fire and was easily put out with my garden hose. How could such a thing have happened?

Scenario #1

Someone idiot tossed a cigarette butt out of his car

Scenario #2

It was the result of a vast conspiracy involving all levels of government which was formulated by the ousted director of FEMA.

As always, I anxiously await your feedback.

The More Likely Game

This is the inaugural post of the More Likely Game. You, the blog reader, get to vote on the more likely scenario.

Scenario #1

Mississippi State has a 7 win season.

or

Scenario #2

A female voluntarily returns my phone call.

I anxiously await the voting totals...

Let's See What Develops

I was lucky enough to watch the third episode of Arrested Development last night and it was freakin' sweet. From Bob Loblaw to Steve Holt! to roofies, it was everything I hoped it would be. The fact that they used a third actress to portray Marta was just icing on the cake.

On a completely unrelated topic, I have decided to quit my job and become a combination analyst/therapist. I plan to create a new job title by combining the first 2 syllables of the former with the last two syllables of the latter. My business cards will look fantastic!

Reality Strikes

I'm sure that many of you remember, my MSU football post in early August. As I stated, I was full of unrealistic expectations for the season and even had Christopher Walken make a guest appearance.

This past Saturday, any pretext of optimism was lost. I had to endure one of the worst quarters of football, I have ever seen. All while managing to get sunburned AND rained upon. The game this week against Florida at the Swamp doesn't promise to be much better. At least I'll get to watch it indoors.

Getting Better Than I Deserve

As you may have realized from reading this blog, I have not been overly pleased with my recent fate. However, this week, my situation took a turn for the better. This is largely due to the hard work of one person. I would like to take time to recognize this person. Mole, you are the wind beneath my wings. If not for your sartorial splendor, I would not have had the necktie necessary to impress.

Of course, I would also be remiss if I did not thank another important person. Luke, your constant prodding made me try even harder to reach for the stars. Hopefully, I will get there very soon. I owe you everything, man. Thanks.

I must also give mad props to the other person who made this all possible. Thank you so much, Sassy. Your critique of my e-mail correspondence was gold. Without you, I would have been lost.

Lastly, but not leastly, I would like to use this forum to express my deepest gratitude to Vile Woman. V.W., in the face of adversity, you persevered with your plan. You were the catalyst that was responsible for this event. Without your dedication and creativity, none of this would have occurred. It is truly an honor to be able to call you a friend.