The Masked Blogger Strikes
Hi there, Blogosphere. This is not "Bo Hica", this is a message from the Masked Blogger. I was originally called in to this corner of the Blogosphere because there was concern that this unique community was becoming a victim of apathy and non-posting. It was my task to convince everyone to start posting again and to make this a productive area of internet discussion.
However, after reading the mindless drivel that passes for blogging around here, I have changed my mind. It is now my sworn duty to do whatever it takes to keep you people from any further blogs that can only have negative effects on public discourse.
I'm sure that many of you are asking, "How can you have gotten on Bo Hica's blog?" The simple answer is that his password was so freakin' obvious. For it to be any more predictable, he would have to have it tattooed on his forehead in 64-point font. The man has absolutely no creativity when it comes to...anything.
Speaking of Bo, his blogs are pure torture to wade through. Apparently, he thinks that obscure randomness equates to witty and enjoyable material. It's like pulling teeth to read his self-styled "high concept" posts. He pathetically switches from one gimmick to another. From "invisible" posts, to inanely stupid games, and other tedious crap, he has pushed the limit of what sane people will tolerate. When he's not trying to "entertain" us with one of his insipid revelations, he's torturing everyone with his melancholy statements of doomed love. No wonder he's unhappy; what female in her right mind would give him the time of day? I would love to meet this girl that he's been pining over just to tell her how lucky she is that she did not end up with him. Furthermore, if I have to uncover one more post about the evils of Lowe's or the dangers of picnic tables, I won't be responsible for my actions. In fact, I think that there should be a new award instituted for the worst blog on the net. It could be called the Lowe's Picnic Table Award. If there's anyone else nominated other than Bo, there's no justice in this world.
That being said, there is more wrong with this area of the "sphere" other that Bo Hica. Have you read Luke's blog? I must admit that it's the only blog with any redeeming social value. If you suffer from insomnia, you should not miss it. I defy anyone who has not consumed more than three cups of coffee to make it all the way through one of his blogs without falling into a coma. Luke's blogs read like the diary of an impotent Don Juan. " Today, I went to the mall. I stopped at the food court and ordered a corn dog. There was a cute girl behind the counter. She smiled at me. I'm planning on going back after I watch the new episode of the Gilmore Girls." Who needs tranquilizers when you have access to material like this????
This brings me to the blog of Sassy McDougal. Her blogs have a certain arrogance about them. She tries to parcel out her blogs every few weeks. I'm guessing this is some misguided attempt to assign some semblance of value to them. Something along the lines of "Oh, wow! Sassy has chosen to honor the world today with a blog post. As mere humans, we are so unworthy of such enlightenment!" Given the pedestrian content of her blog, such delusions of grandeur are certainly misplaced. Why does she present her blog this way? I'm not sure. I could gain more insight and guidance from a poorly-translated fortune cookie.
Next on this pathetic list is TJF's blog. Does anyone know what "TJF" stands for. I think it's obvious what the "F" represents, but the other letters are a mystery. He posts even less than Sassy. Consequently, his blogs contain even less relevance than hers. He doesn't seem to have established a style and has borrowed elements from the aforementioned other losers. The only thing worse than a creator of a crappy blog is a person who plagiarizes from creators of crappy blogs.
Finally, we can focus on the blog of My Own Artist. Every corner of the net needs a conscience. Unfortunately, MOA's blog does not provide such. It does create momentary flashes of well-conceived social commentary. However, such flashes are extraordinarily short-lived and provided completely by mistake. It's basically a road map for how to live a responsibility-free existence. "Today, I quit my job with I.B.M. and biked down to the lake to commune with the moths." Given the losers that inhabit his area of the blogosphere, I'm sure that such material is well-received.
This just leaves Mole and Vile Woman to deal with. I, begrudingly, have to give them a compliment. They have not tortured us with their own hapless attempts at a blog. After reading their wearisome comments, I can only imagine how gut-wrenchingly tiresome their blogs would be. It takes a person devoid of any creativity to be so intimidated by this talentless group of hacks that he/she will not post a blog of his/her own. However, that is what Mole and Vile Woman have managed to do. Their lack of skill shines as a beacon of incompetence that places a period at the end of this whole disaster.
I used to believe in a higher power. However, until you are all struck down and your posts cease, I can only assume that a new apostacy has occurred.
However, after reading the mindless drivel that passes for blogging around here, I have changed my mind. It is now my sworn duty to do whatever it takes to keep you people from any further blogs that can only have negative effects on public discourse.
I'm sure that many of you are asking, "How can you have gotten on Bo Hica's blog?" The simple answer is that his password was so freakin' obvious. For it to be any more predictable, he would have to have it tattooed on his forehead in 64-point font. The man has absolutely no creativity when it comes to...anything.
Speaking of Bo, his blogs are pure torture to wade through. Apparently, he thinks that obscure randomness equates to witty and enjoyable material. It's like pulling teeth to read his self-styled "high concept" posts. He pathetically switches from one gimmick to another. From "invisible" posts, to inanely stupid games, and other tedious crap, he has pushed the limit of what sane people will tolerate. When he's not trying to "entertain" us with one of his insipid revelations, he's torturing everyone with his melancholy statements of doomed love. No wonder he's unhappy; what female in her right mind would give him the time of day? I would love to meet this girl that he's been pining over just to tell her how lucky she is that she did not end up with him. Furthermore, if I have to uncover one more post about the evils of Lowe's or the dangers of picnic tables, I won't be responsible for my actions. In fact, I think that there should be a new award instituted for the worst blog on the net. It could be called the Lowe's Picnic Table Award. If there's anyone else nominated other than Bo, there's no justice in this world.
That being said, there is more wrong with this area of the "sphere" other that Bo Hica. Have you read Luke's blog? I must admit that it's the only blog with any redeeming social value. If you suffer from insomnia, you should not miss it. I defy anyone who has not consumed more than three cups of coffee to make it all the way through one of his blogs without falling into a coma. Luke's blogs read like the diary of an impotent Don Juan. " Today, I went to the mall. I stopped at the food court and ordered a corn dog. There was a cute girl behind the counter. She smiled at me. I'm planning on going back after I watch the new episode of the Gilmore Girls." Who needs tranquilizers when you have access to material like this????
This brings me to the blog of Sassy McDougal. Her blogs have a certain arrogance about them. She tries to parcel out her blogs every few weeks. I'm guessing this is some misguided attempt to assign some semblance of value to them. Something along the lines of "Oh, wow! Sassy has chosen to honor the world today with a blog post. As mere humans, we are so unworthy of such enlightenment!" Given the pedestrian content of her blog, such delusions of grandeur are certainly misplaced. Why does she present her blog this way? I'm not sure. I could gain more insight and guidance from a poorly-translated fortune cookie.
Next on this pathetic list is TJF's blog. Does anyone know what "TJF" stands for. I think it's obvious what the "F" represents, but the other letters are a mystery. He posts even less than Sassy. Consequently, his blogs contain even less relevance than hers. He doesn't seem to have established a style and has borrowed elements from the aforementioned other losers. The only thing worse than a creator of a crappy blog is a person who plagiarizes from creators of crappy blogs.
Finally, we can focus on the blog of My Own Artist. Every corner of the net needs a conscience. Unfortunately, MOA's blog does not provide such. It does create momentary flashes of well-conceived social commentary. However, such flashes are extraordinarily short-lived and provided completely by mistake. It's basically a road map for how to live a responsibility-free existence. "Today, I quit my job with I.B.M. and biked down to the lake to commune with the moths." Given the losers that inhabit his area of the blogosphere, I'm sure that such material is well-received.
This just leaves Mole and Vile Woman to deal with. I, begrudingly, have to give them a compliment. They have not tortured us with their own hapless attempts at a blog. After reading their wearisome comments, I can only imagine how gut-wrenchingly tiresome their blogs would be. It takes a person devoid of any creativity to be so intimidated by this talentless group of hacks that he/she will not post a blog of his/her own. However, that is what Mole and Vile Woman have managed to do. Their lack of skill shines as a beacon of incompetence that places a period at the end of this whole disaster.
I used to believe in a higher power. However, until you are all struck down and your posts cease, I can only assume that a new apostacy has occurred.
posted by Bo Hica at
9:48 PM
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5 comments
