"Come Lay Down" Says the Couch to Me

I have discovered a serious hazard in my home. It is none other than my couch. It just innocently sits there beckoning me to lay down and watch television. Once I do, it's over. I quickly lose consciousness and have, once again, delivered myself to it's evil clutches. Much to my chagrin, any ongoing communications that I have been engaging in are summarily terminated. Once I'm soundly asleep, I shudder to think what may be happening to me. Generally, I will awake several hours later with a History Channel infomercial blaring at me from the television and a slight uneasy feeling that I've been used.

I am at my wit's end trying to determine the cause of it's strange power over me. However, I would like to advance one humble theory. After I lay down, the couch expertly injects a low-grade sedative from a small hypodermic needle hidden in the cushion. I realize that this explanation may seem extraordinarily unlikely, but it absolves me of any responsibility for my actions, and therefore, is the solution that I am advancing.

If any of you out in the great blogosphere have other ideas as to why this is occurring, please share them. Please? I anxiously await your responses.